Where Restoration Began

Sometimes one door quietly closes.

Then another. Then another. Eventually you stop asking if it's a coincidence and begin wondering if God is leading you somewhere you can't yet see.

Have you ever been there?

Maybe a career changed. A relationship shifted. A ministry ended. A dream no longer fit. You knew something was over, but you had no idea what came next.
That was the season my husband and I entered.

We believed God was bringing our time at the church my husband pastored to a close, but we had no roadmap for what came next. We didn't have answers. We only had the unsettling sense that we couldn't stay where we were.

At the same time, I was exhausted.

Years of ministry had quietly taken their toll. I had spent so much of my life serving, caring for people, solving problems, writing, designing, building websites, leading behind the scenes, and simply doing whatever needed to be done. Add to that years of personal grief, family changes, business transitions, and the emotional weight that slowly accumulates when you've carried responsibility for a long time.

I didn't just need a new direction.

I needed my heart back.

Looking back, I realize something else had happened along the way.

I had never stopped loving God.

I had never stopped serving Him.

But somewhere, almost without noticing, my relationship with Him had become intertwined with my responsibilities.

Time with God had become one more thing on my list instead of the place where my soul came alive.

There had been a time when my passion for God was contagious. I could sit across the table from someone, talk about what God was teaching me, and they would leave wanting to spend time with Him themselves. Not because I had all the answers, but because they had encountered someone who genuinely delighted in the Lord.

I missed that.

I missed the joy of simply being with Him.

As one season was ending, I made a decision.

I wasn't going to spend the next season chasing answers.

I was going to pursue that relationship again.

So I prayed.

I read.

I listened.

I paid attention.

I wasn't searching for joy.

I was seeking God, trusting that whatever my heart needed most would be found in Him.

One day, while listening to a podcast, I heard the host say something that stopped me in my tracks.

She said that many adults have forgotten how to experience joy. When someone tells her they don't know what brings them joy anymore, she asks a simple question:

"What did you love as a child?"

The question stayed with me.

For me, the answer was art.

As a child, art had always been a place of expression. When life felt overwhelming, I drew. I created. I wasn't trying to impress anyone. I wasn't producing something for a client or checking another task off a list. I simply enjoyed making something.
Somewhere along the way, my creativity had become a job.

I created websites.

I designed logos.

I built marketing pieces.

I solved visual problems for other people.

There was nothing wrong with that work. In fact, those years taught me skills I'm grateful for today.

But somewhere in the middle of all those projects, I stopped creating simply because I loved to create.

My imagination was almost always working for someone else's vision.
My creativity had become productive.

It was no longer playful.

So I made another small decision.

I would get off the computer.

I would work with my hands.

I would become a beginner again.

I had no idea that such a small step would become one of the ways God would begin restoring my heart.

The beginning wasn't magical.

It was frustrating.

The pictures in my mind didn't look anything like the ones I was creating. I tried different mediums. Different teachers. Different techniques. Some things simply weren't me.

But I kept showing up.

And somewhere in that process, something unexpected began to happen.
God wasn't simply encouraging me to create a piece of art.

He was gently uncovering parts of myself that had been buried beneath years of responsibility.

I'm still on that journey.

I can't honestly say I've arrived.

But I can tell you what healing has started to look like.

I'm starting to enjoy people again.

I look forward to creating.

I look forward to discovering.

I can answer the question, "What do you want?" more easily than I could even six months ago.

I give myself permission to play.

I find myself imagining new ideas instead of simply completing the next task.

Those may sound like small things.

They aren't.

They are signs of life returning.

Maybe that's where you find yourself today.

Not needing all the answers.

Not needing the entire roadmap.

Simply needing to know that as you pursue God, He is able to restore the parts of your heart that have quietly gone dormant.

For me, that restoration began with a coloring book.

For you, it may begin somewhere entirely different.

But don't ignore the longings God has been quietly bringing to your attention.

He may be using them to lead you, not away from Himself, but deeper into the life

He created you to live.

Pause and Reflect

What season are you in right now? What uncertainty are you carrying into what comes next?

What longing has God been quietly bringing to your attention?

What is one small step God may be inviting you to take?

A Prayer

Father, thank You that You care not only about what I do, but about who I am. Thank You that You patiently restore what responsibility, grief, fear, and striving have covered over. As I seek You, help me gently uncover the person You created me to be, one layer at a time. Give me the courage to notice the longings You are stirring within me and the faith to take the next step You place before me. Amen.